Become an Orgasmic Woman

You too can become an orgasmic woman. Each woman has an orgasmic potential that is virtually unlimited. It is a potential that all women are born with and that most women can develop, for orgasm, like much of what is worthwhile in life, is a learned activity. Although your drive for the sexual satisfaction of orgasm is a natural body impulse, how you experience it depends a lot on your desire to learn and your willingness to explore.

The first move toward fully awakening your orgasmic self is to recognize that your sexual satisfaction is your responsibility. It’s time to let go of our culturally cherished myth that all it takes to make you orgasmic is an extraordinary lover. You and only you can do it. No lover can do it for you.

Of course, you want an adoring, attentive and skilled partner. However, no matter how caring and artful your lover is if you don’t allow yourself to go to that orgasmic place inside you won’t experience all the pleasure that is waiting for you. Recognizing that you are the one who determines how much sexual satisfaction you have is extraordinarily freeing. It lets both you and your partner off the performance anxiety hook. Now neither of you has to do it for each other. You can playfully learn to do it together.

Two very important orgasmic awakeners we’ll explore in the next few posts are:

    1. Permission
    2. and Time


How do you give yourself permission to fully explore and experience sexual pleasure, not just in your mind but in your heart and body? Start by identifying any sex negative messages you give yourself.

For instance:

  • What do you tell yourself when you think someone might hear you having sex?
  • What do you tell yourself about having or exploring sexual fantasies?
  • What do you tell yourself about your ability to have a fabulous sex life based on your: physical appearance, age, role in life?
  • What do you tell yourself about passion lasting in long term relationships?
  • What do you tell yourself about your desirability as a sexual partner?
  • What do you tell yourself when you think about asking for what you want in bed?

Be vigilant, some messages may be very understated, others may be very overt. Whenever you hear a sex-negative voice in your head acknowledge it then change the message to a sex-positive one.

For example:

  • “Good girls don’t really like sex”.
    • Take note: “Oh yes, there’s that idea again”.
    • Then change it: “But I’m a ‘good girl’, a good mother (career woman, sister, friend, citizen, artist, teacher, environmentalist…) and I like sex so ‘good girls’ do like sex”.
  • “I’d be embarrassed to ask for what I want in bed.”
    • Take note: “That idea holds me back.”
    • Then change it: “I need to let my partner know what I like if I’m going to get it.”

After you identify your sex-limiting messages and shift them to sex-encouraging ones you then have to take action to support your choice. Push beyond your previously learned boundaries of comfort and sameness. Let yourself simmer over erotic fantasies. Dare to ask for what you want. Risk making love with eyes wide open in the daylight. Give yourself loving recognition for every step forward you take. You’ve had a lifetime to absorb sex-negative conditioning, don’t expect to shed all your barriers overnight.

Next: Cultivating an Attitude of Pleasure