How To Cultivate Pleasure

(Become an Orgasmic Woman, part 2)

As women, part of giving ourselves permission to experience extraordinary orgasms requires us to cultivate pleasure. Although it may seem strange that contemporary women (and men for that matter) must learn how to have pleasure—the sad fact is that we do! When we are small children we instinctively know what pleases us and what feels good and we naturally give most time and attention to those things. However, as we grow up we’re taught to put our pleasure on a lower priority level, to focus on “more important” things, that life is hard and there is “no gain without pain”. While it is true that adversity can be character building, pleasure teaches many life lessons too. Warm hugs let us know we are loved; the joy of success nurtures self-esteem; great food with good conversation nourishes our bodies and our minds.

Perhaps you shy away from pleasure because like many you confuse living a life of pleasure with becoming a hedonist. Hedonism seeks only pleasure—always—craving instant gratification of momentary desires and avoiding discomfort or pain at all costs. On the other hand, adopting a pleasure orientation to life means seeing what’s best in all situations; enjoying to the full the sensual realm of the body; cultivating an attitude of gratitude and appreciation; and when life’s trials and pains strike, using them as teachers and then letting them go.

Research shows that pleasure is good for you. When we experience pleasure our bodies produce endorphins counterbalancing stress hormones, boosting our immune systems, enhancing our moods and helping us live longer.  Things like great sex, a high intensity workout, and deep meditation create high endorphin levels, but simple, everyday activities release endorphins too: watching a funny movie, playing with a pet, smelling the roses, even eating chocolate!

So, make a commitment that at least once per day, every day, you will do something just for your pleasure. You may struggle, you may think yourself unworthy, you may say “I don’t have time.” But, you’ll be benefitting not only yourself but also those around you. Persevere, break through, and remember the more pleasure you receive, the more you have to give.

Simple Steps to cultivate pleasure:

Do a “small” thing:

  • Move your body to music you love for five or ten minutes
  • luxuriate in a bubble bath or long hot shower
  • read something funny, stimulating, frivolous or erotic
  • apply your body lotion with attentive, sensual, loving strokes and say “mmm”

Do a “big” thing:

  • a full day of pampering at the spa—massage is especially endorphin producing
  • a women’s weekend retreat
  • an unplugged day—no phones, no computers, no commitments, just you
  • a vacation at your favorite place in the world

It doesn’t matter what you do for your pleasure – as long as you do one thing every day!

Next time: Love your Body!